grace notes

good night and good luck

2008-11-22T11:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the link provided by the GSoI, I typealyzed my blog to find out its Myers Briggs type and this was the result:

ISTP - The Mechanics

The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.

The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.

This is odd because my personal Myers Briggs is almost completely the opposite, as I am an ENTJ. Now, of course, these descriptions are so vague they could apply to anyone, any blog. Kinda like horoscopes.

In any case, I have deemed this a good opportunity to end Grace Notes, and look for a new blog home where I may reflect myself more truly.

Thank you, not-so-gentle readers. It's been fun.

AA support group

2008-10-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

The love I have for American Apparel clothes puts me dangerously close to hipster territory, and jeopardizes my bank balance on a fairly regular basis. However, even for the sake of my reputation, not to mention my retirement account, I cannot stop.

A new and related addiction, spurred on by Karen, is the website. Careful though, americanapparel.net is NSFW. A Victoria's Secret catalogue looks G-rated compared to some of the product/model shots on AA. You can (and by "you," I mean, "I") spend hours reading the conflicting comments of both satisfied and unsatisfied customers. The same item could have a number of comments that claim the item will run small, followed by an equal number of comments that claim the item runs large. The worst is when a girl will leave a comment about how she's 5'8" and 100 pounds and will they please make it in an extra extra extra small. Barf. But, the comments are really funny and entertaining, too. People leave intriguing clues about their lifestyles and outlooks in these comments capsules, which are supposedly only about a t-shirt or a pair of leggings.

The other day, when examining a super discounted t-shirt dress with Cindy, I came across the following comment by AA customer, and my new hero, "kiwi":

I’m kinda bony with a buddha-belly (5'5'' and 125 lbs) so there were pros and cons...a medium is just a scoce small so I'm afraid I'll forget, stick it in the dryer, and end up with a toddler-sized shirt...It's very flattering from the front and back, makes me look curvaceous and even gives the illusion that my double a's are more like b's! But the side view is a little challenging - it's very tight on my rump, and doesn't flatter my poochy tummy much. So I suck in and hope that people will be so distracted by the front and back view the side won't matter :) I've worn it as a shirt or a dress...it does ride up a bit, though, kind of creating a ruched look in front, but making the dress a few inches shorter than it first appears...about four to six inches above the knee on me, I'm a 30 inseam. It looks like it won't last forever...cheapie fabric and iffy construction...but for 19 bucks, I bought a few extra. A cool idea! I just wish they had it in large so I didn't have to fret about the dryer, and made it a few inches longer so I wouldn't have to be the office slut.

fyi: road rules

2008-07-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

Check out the rules of the road for peddlers according to the city of Memphis, posted below.

Bummer about the whole acrobatics (in red below) thing, huh? What, exactly, is the definition of "fancy bicycle riding?"

If you don't ride a bike, get one. Go here.

If you do ride a bike, be careful, get a helmet, get reflectors and lights. I realize I have not been the poster child for bike safety in the past, but if I can change, so can you.

Finally, when you're driving, please remember that "every person riding a bicycle upon a roadway shall be granted all of the rights and shall be subject to all of the duties applicable to the driver of a vehicle."

Sharing's cool, y'all.

Memphis Municipal Code,
Title 11 Vehicles and Traffic, Chapter 11-24 Bicycles.

Sec. 11-24-1 Effect of regulations.
A. It is a misdemeanor for any person to do any act forbidden or fail to perform any act required in this chapter.
B. The parent of any child and the guardian of any ward shall not authorize or knowingly permit any such child or ward to violate any provisions of this chapter.
C. These regulations applicable to bicycles shall apply whenever a bicycle is operated upon any street or upon any path set aside for the exclusive use of bicycles subject to those exceptions stated herein. (Code 1985 § 21-196; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-1)

Sec. 11-24-2 Traffic laws apply to persons riding bicycles.
Every person riding a bicycle upon a roadway shall be granted all of the rights and shall be subject to all of the duties applicable to the driver of a vehicle by this title, except as to special regulations in this title and except as to those provisions of this title which by their nature can have no application. (Code 1985 § 21-197; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-3)

Sec. 11-24-3 Removal or alteration of serial number.
A. It is unlawful for any person to wilfully or maliciously remove, destroy, mutilate or alter the serial number of any bicycle frame registered pursuant to this chapter.
B. Nothing in this section shall prohibit a representative of the traffic bureau of the division of police from stamping serial numbers on the frames of bicycles on which no serial number can be found, or on which such number is insufficient for identification purposes. (Code 1985 § 21-198; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-4)

Sec. 11-24-4 Equipment-Lights and reflectors.
A. Every bicycle, when in use during hours of darkness, shall be equipped with a forward-facing light upon the front which shall emit a white light visible from a distance of at least five hundred (500) feet, and with a rearward-facing red reflector upon the rear which shall be visible from one hundred (100) feet to six hundred (600) feet when directly in front of lawful lower beams of headlight or headlamps on a motor vehicle. A light emitting a red light visible from a distance of five hundred (500) feet to the rear may be used in addition to the red reflector.
B. All new bicycles purchased after July 1, 1975, shall, and all others should, also be equipped with a forward-facing white reflector, sideward-facing amber reflectors on the front and sideward-facing red reflectors on the rear; and amber reflectors on front and rear sides of each foot pedal.
C. Bicycles which are ridden in the streets are recommended to use safety visibility pennants. (Code 1985 § 21-199; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-5)

Sec. 11-24-5 Equipment-Brake.
Every bicycle, when operated upon streets in the city, shall be equipped with a brake which will enable the operator to make the braked wheels skid on dry, level, clean pavement. Such brake shall be maintained in good working order at all times. (Code 1985 § 21-200; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-6)

Sec. 11-24-6 Equipment-Bell or other signal device.
No person shall operate a bicycle on any city street unless it is equipped with a bell or other device capable of giving a signal audible for a distance of at least one hundred (100) feet, except that a bicycle shall not be equipped with nor shall any person use upon a bicycle any siren or whistle. (Code 1985 § 21-201; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-7)

Sec. 11-24-7 Use of permanent seat required-Carrying excess persons forbidden.
A. A person propelling a bicycle shall not ride other than upon or astride a permanent and regular seat attached thereto.
B. No bicycle shall be used at any time to carry more persons than the number for which it has been equipped per person in terms of seats and handlebars, with the exception of properly installed child carriers with hand and foot protection. (Code 1985 § 21-202; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-8)

Sec. 11-24-8 Riding on roadways.
A. Every person operating a bicycle upon a roadway, excluding sidewalks, shall ride in the same direction as motor-driven traffic and shall ride as near to the right side of the roadway as practicable, exercising due care when passing a standing vehicle or one proceeding in the same direction.
B. No person shall operate a bicycle on any part of any roadway where official signs have been erected and are in place indicating the prohibition of such activity. (Code 1985 § 21-203; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-9)

Sec. 11-24-9 Obedience to traffic-control devices.
A. Any person operating a bicycle should dismount and walk his or her bicycle as a pedestrian across an intersection when traffic-control signals are in operation to regulate the flow of traffic.
B. Any person operating a bicycle shall obey the instructions of all official traffic-control devices applicable to vehicles, such as stop signs, unless otherwise directed by a police officer. (Code 1985 § 21-204; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-10)

Sec. 11-24-10 Riding on sidewalks.
A. Any person may operate a bicycle on a sidewalk except where official signs have been erected and are in place indicating the prohibition of such activity.
B. Whenever any person is riding a bicycle upon a sidewalk, such person shall yield the right-of-way to any pedestrian or operator of sidewalk-type vehicles, such as tricycles, and shall give an audible signal before overtaking and passing such pedestrian or operator. (Code 1985 § 21-205; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-11)

Sec. 11-24-11 Parking on sidewalks.
No person shall park a bicycle upon a street other than upon the roadway against the curb or upon the sidewalk in a rack to support the bicycle or against a building or at the curb, in such manner as to afford the least obstruction to pedestrian traffic. (Code 1985 § 21-206; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-12)

Sec. 11-24-12 To be ridden in single file.
Every person, when operating a bicycle upon the streets in the city, shall ride such bicycle in single file only and at no time shall bicycles be operated two or more abreast. (Code 1985 § 21-207; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-13)

Sec. 11-24-13 Clinging to moving vehicles.
It is unlawful for any person riding upon a bicycle to cling or attach himself or herself or his or her bicycle to any other moving vehicle upon a street in the city. (Code 1985 § 21-208; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-14)

Sec. 11-24-14 Towing other vehicles.
The operator of a bicycle shall not tow or draw any coaster, sled, person on roller skates, toy vehicles or other similar vehicle. (Code 1985 § 21-209; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-15)

Sec. 11-24-15 Racing and endurance contests.
No person operating a bicycle upon a street in the city shall participate in any race of speed or endurance, or contest with any vehicle unless such activity is authorized by the director of public works and is supervised. (Code 1985 § 21-210; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-16)

Sec. 11-24-16 Acrobatic and unicycle riding.
A. No person shall remove both hands from the handlebars or both feet from the pedals of a bicycle while riding on any roadway or sidewalk. Acrobatic or fancy bicycle riding in roadways or on sidewalks is prohibited. (Code 1985 § 21-211; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-17)

Sec. 11-24-17 Bicycle routes and bikeways.
A. Bicycle operation within the city, and on city streets, is encouraged to be made on city street routes which have been identified by official signs and/or markings for bicycling.
B. Wherever a usable path for bicycles has been provided adjacent to a roadway, bicycle riders shall use such path and shall not use the roadway. (Code 1985 § 21-212; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-18)

Sec. 11-24-18 Bicycle safety guide and bikeway map.
A. The city will make available to the public a bicycle safety guide citing the regulations pertaining to bicycle operation and handling in the city. When defined, a city bikeway map which will specify preferred and exclusive bikeway routes through the city will also be made available to the public.
B. All firms or persons engaged in the business of selling bicycles must provide, without charge, a copy of the “City of Memphis Bicycle Safety and Use Regulations” to the purchaser at the time of sale or delivery of the bicycle from and after the of July 1, 1975. (Code 1985 § 21-213; Ord. 2155 § 1, 5-20-75; Code 1967 § 10-19)

[sic]

2008-06-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

Often, in a year end exam question, I will require my students to tell me the most important things they have learned over the past year. The wording of the question clearly delineates the criteria. This is an essay. Be precise and concise. Use evidence, including specific details.

Most students comply.

However, especially since I've taught high school, the odd student here and there will capitalize on an opportunity to kiss up. This always makes me grimace. And sometimes, sometimes, I smile. One lovely ninth grader made me smile today as I was grading the last exams I will (ever/indefinitely?) grade.

There is very little evidence. This essay has not been proofread as thoroughly as I would have liked. Specific skill sets are not referenced.

I gave her full credit.

wow, ms. K the year has been amazing! Even though its very early in the morning right now while I'm writing this I still mean everything I'm about to say. Ms. K, you are an amazing teacher, friend, colleague, anything. I know wherever you go, whatever you do you will shine & out-do everybody else you are sweet, witty, kind, considerate, u have amazing fashion sense, and an incredible teacher. I really hope you will come visit and watch me grow in my english skills as I go on in life ( or my soccer skills, haha.) I learned a lot of new literary terms, to be a better essay-writer, my vocabulary expanded since i had to read those books you assigned. I learned its never where you are, its who you are with :) you made this year incredible and I'm proud of you; whatever you want that to mean.
--I'll miss you! <3
xoxo chica!

partial punny paper potential

2008-03-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

Tess and I are trying to write papers at R.P. Tracks. I have so many windows open all that can be seen of my file name is "operational anal...", as opposed to the full and much more boring name of "operational analysis." And this makes me daydream of the days when I get to write papers on diverging views of sexuality.

Also, am currently obsessed with Of Montreal after dancin-my-ass-off-crazy-good-live-show attended as part of subversive mini road trip to Hendrix College entitled Operation Freshman Year wherein I also camped in a stranger's yard.

The life. It continues to be the good.

if wishes were horses

2008-03-06T12:46:00.000-08:00

I have never so clearly seen exercise as allegorical as I did last night when I tried bikram yoga, or "hot" yoga, for the first time. Holy crap, it kicked my ass. Two words that immediately come to mind when I reflect on this experience are "excruciating" and "exhilarating."

So here I am in a 100+ degree room, sad little me with my vaso vagal syncope and my hives, and it is do or die. You have to breathe. You have to stretch. You have to push. You have to avoid slipping in your own sweat. You have to be fierce. You have to want it.

In my past experiences with yoga, which I was quite serious about at the time, there was always room for a little relaxing, or for a giggle with a friend. You could half-ass a pose if you weren't feeling it. You could overdo it on the next one if you wanted to make it up to yourself. But when it's 105 degrees and it takes a moderate amount of effort just to breathe and keep from running out of the room, the effort you give each posture must be more deliberate.

I believe the hype that there are immense mental and physical health benefits to this. However, it will be worth it to continue just for the self-satisfaction and sweet parallelism this brings to mind.

You make a difficult decision. You watch your life fall apart. You put it back together in the most reasonable, honorable way you can sort out. It's excruciating and exhilarating. It takes a moderate amount of effort to breathe and keep from running out of the room.

In yoga, and within a transitory period in life, it takes massive energy to have small successes. But then when you listen to the instructor, and internalize her commentary when she says that you're already doing the work if you're trying, the end results matter much less. And through the sweat and tears, your realize you can start to have control again. Not control in the way you would tighten your fist around something, but control in the sense that you know what you want and you feel like you can have it.

Life is beautiful.

it's a choo choo train

2008-02-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

When you google the lyrics to "C'mon Ride the Train" an Amtrak schedule is within the first couple results. I think that's funny.

Rode the Amtrak for the first time with Tess this weekend to Chicago and to South Bend, Indiana, to pick up the car she bought on ebay. What an amazing weekend. I love trains. I love hot conductors. I love adventures. And I love Tess.

Please go to Diana's blog. One, because she's hilarious. Two, because she wrote a blog specifically about our Valentine's Day, which I can unabashedly say was the best one I have ever celebrated. I love bad movies. I love Balderdash. I love Valentine's Day. And I love Diana.

Oh, love.

if a song could be president

2008-02-13T13:29:00.000-08:00

Am absolutely APPALLED by the number of people who did not vote in the Tennessee primaries last Tuesday. Appalled. My generation sucks.

Saw Over the Rhine in Memphis last night. Fabulous. And good for me and my medical woes, it was a seated show so I didn't have to worry about a vaso vagal episode. Twas also an early show so I didn't stay up late, but I am so tired today. Can't get over the tired.

The semester looms ahead of me, with next week being particularly ominous. Big frustrating paper to do on economics of all things. Anyone want to give me ideas on outsourcing? Anyone want to kill Michael Friedman for me? At least I know Karen's dad is on my side.

Got biopsy results back from the dermatologist today. The rash of nearly two months has turned out to be plain old-fashioned hives, or urticaria, for those of you needing a more official name. This is good because I don't have a horrible skin disease. This is bad because I have no-the-fuck-idea what I am reacting to. And this could literally be anything. So I have to keep a journal of everything I eat/drink/touch and try to Sherlock Holmes it out. Does anyone have experience with hives? Any clues or suggestions?

Last week a recurring flat tire on my car turned out to be dry-rotted, so my car was out of commission while this was being fixed. On Sunday my mom hit some monstrosity in the road that was like, a mini, overturned pothole cover with major spikes. It wrecked her whole tire and shook her up really badly. Now today my dad is having trouble with his inexplicably low tires and has to take his car in to the shop. He drives for a living, too. For the grand finale, a wheel flew off my work bag today, and despite making my honors ninth grade boys class help me look in the school yard for it, a part is still missing from the wheel housing so I cannot fix it. This makes me think of the Budweiser commercial played during the Super Bowl wherein the caveman has invented the wheel and all of his buddies are using it wrong. "Wheel sucks" indeed.

Here is a picture of some manatees:

Manatees are awesome, in case you didn't know.

there will be blog

2008-01-30T13:40:00.000-08:00

Was anyone else surprised that movie ended with Daniel Day Lewis sputtering about milkshakes in a bowling alley? Didn't see that one coming.

Have been thinking constantly of food today but am not actually hungry. Was confronted with the climax of this wee conflict when I walk into the teacher's lounge and an obscenely large apple crumb muffin leapt onto my face. The muffin won.

This time, instead of obscene comments, which I do normally cherish, I would like for you to help me learn something. Why, pray tell, do people choose to be hateful? Is this not a colossal waste of energy? Does it really make them feel better about themselves?

Lemme know. I will consider all theories, especially those that are backed with evidence. If said evidence is from film referenced in blog title, that's fun, too.

minutae

2008-01-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

In my classroom today there was a leftover bowl full of tuna on top of the bookcase. Had to have been left there yesterday afternoon. Sweet.

And speaking of "sweet"-ness, apparently Lake Superior State University created a list of overly used words to be banned. Although initially I thought LSSU was a made-up school (it isn't), I enjoyed the list. Thanks, mom. However, I absolutely have no intention of limiting my use of the word, "webinar." I'd hardly be able to carry on a conversation without it.

Finally recovering from a horrible bout with contact dermatitis. Yeah, merry fucking Christmas, right? My best guess is that I was reacting to some Burt's Bees soap I recently switched to. After a week plus of itching, a very expensive trip to the local minor med, various experiments with lotions and creams, and a trip to the UT Student Health Center, I look like a human being again. My life feels a lot bigger now that 95% of it is not devoted to scratching myself.

My students thought that contact dermatitis had something to do with contact lenses. Which I actually thought was very cute. I missed them. I really did. And I missed being on a schedule. Too much time to think about shit and miss people over the holidays.

Been missing some people that vanished from my life without warning. I was so angry about it that I didn't have time to feel sad. Now, I am sad. I will recover though. If anyone is worth having in my life, he or she will come around. This sudden vanishing has been a great opportunity to realize who is there for me and truly loves me enough to stick it out through the hard times. It has also been a good time to make new friends. You all know who you are. Thank you. You amaze me.

Also, my poor laptop has been on the fritz for almost a week now. Once again, merry fucking Christmas. I have had the thing for five years, so I really shouldn't be complaining. My problem is the blind faith I tend to inadvertently invest in electronics. I never want anything new or fancy, and it is beyond my comprehension that my cell phone, tv, computer, or coffee grinder should ever need repair or replacement. I love them as they are. They should last forever, right? Fortunately, Matt, the supernice computer guy at work, is taking a look at my laptop this week and may be able to salvage it for a little while longer. God does love me after all.

After all of that, I am saying goodbye to merry fucking Christmas and embracing a new year.

In other big news, I cannot stop thinking of what cilantro flavored gum would taste like. Gross, huh?

Also, I can't remember the other thing.

Virginia is for lovers (or the slums of Sperryville)

2007-12-25T09:04:00.000-08:00

My early Christmas in Virginia has already come to an end and now I find myself with nothing to do on Christmas day. The trip was incredible, despite the fact that my parents and I drove approximately 24 hours to spend almost exactly 24 hours with my brother at his home in (Little) Washington, Virginia. There are too many things to say about the trip and the time with my family in a blog. It would be a four parter at least. Working on an essay to cover everything that happened. Hopefully by putting that out there I haven't jinxed myself not to write it. Writers are so fickle.

I've been filtering through some of my old journals. I initiated this process to find a soup recipe. Alas, the recipe has not surfaced. I did, however, get a kick out of seeing some of my old stuff and really old thoughts. In times past I would burn my old journals, or soak them with water until the ink ran. Silly. Here is an entry I found from September 26, 2000:

things i will never write about? NO

children's clothes
politics
illness (vaso vagal)
skincare
sunglasses
revolution
erosion
comedians
Bob Denver
cooking
bowling shoes
the Reagan administration
post modern dance

letter to memphis

2007-12-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

My toes are not broken. When I was in the shower this morning a rude tilt, a shifting of the city, imperceptible seismic-style, caused me to drop the shower head on my left foot. And although it took a while for me to be able to move those two toes again, and although they were(/are) bloody and swollen, I never cried. And I shall not.

My heart is not broken. I may have cried, but I have kept my footing through many tilts and shifts. I am still standing, and I am still whole.

these are what count as milestones

2007-11-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

1. finished all of my critical thinking exercises (also known as CTEs, also known as the bane of my freaking existence) for my Lifespan class a month early. These little fuckers have to be 250 (no more!) words long and synthesize four different scholarly articles under a specified prompt. This task is much more obtuse than it sounds. After the first two and once I figured out how to cut down to such a tiny number of words, I earned perfect scores on the remaining six. I also earned a perfect score on both my midterms. It feels pretty awesome to kick ass in at least one area of my life.

2. lost ten pounds. This may largely have to do with stress, but is also connected to the fact that I am using my bike as mode of transportation as much as possible. Although, this is difficult since I work during most of the daylight hours. Fridays are lovely though. Off at 2.10 for Shabbos. Me and my bike have a magical, love reunion. We go to all of our favorite places starting with the letter "O," like Otherlands and Overton Park. Even though the bumper stickers and other paraphernalia proclaiming such irk me, life is actually good.

3. finally made headway with my shower and bathtub. No I am not caulking or re-tiling. I am simply cleaning. After neglecting poor bathroom for a while, I then spent a number of months with bleach, soap scum remover, lime remover, scrub brush, blood, sweat, tears, prayers, incantations, and any other method, pragmatic or no, to get the tub and tiles looking even relatively clean. Last night was a turning point in this scrubbing frenzy. Finally, finally, things are looking clean. It's not much, but it makes me happy.

4. turned 28. I like the even years best.

So this is what I have to blog about. I've started a number of other blogs in the past month, including part II to Sukkos Break, but anything that began as either profoundly revelatory or snarkily comedic remains unfinishable. I offer these milestones as a compromise between the absence of blogs and the proliferation of unfinished blogs. Thank you for reading and accepting me for who I am, unclean shower and all.

oh the lux jury: Sukkot break part I

2007-09-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

Well, thank G-d for Sukkot! Each year in September/October, I am treated to a slew of holidays by the Hebrew calendar. First comes Rosh Hashanah, then Yom Kippur, and then the mother of the fall holidays, Sukkot. Sukkot isn't super serious like the first two, but it lasts a while, so I usually get close to two weeks off from work.

First a little background about Sukkot.

Sukkot is a seven day celebration for G-d's faithfulness to the Jews during their 40 years in the wilderness, before finding the Promised Land. In order to commemorate this time in their history, Jews build sukkahs, little outdoor huts or lean-tos, and have all of their meals in them during the holiday. Some people call this holiday Sukkos, and it's taken me three years to figure out why and to decide on the pronunciation "Sukkot". Nevermind why, since unfortunately, the explanation I would give would take so much qualifying and explanation of the various definitions of Ashkenazi and Sephardi that you would lose interest.

Now, a lot of things that have nothing to do with Sukkot.

Tuesday. Day 1 Eve. What an amazing night of P & H trivia. Our team turned out to be all female that night, so our team name was "There's No 'I' in Vag". We had a hilarious time, came in dead last, but were given a pitcher of beer by the host team, and, a stuffed animal.

This is where I started remembering my days in lists:

Wednesday. Day 1. bike blowout. tire flopping. rain. Otherlands + Court =Texas Hold Em

red wine + savory tarts=Karen is awesome. Otherlands redux, MFA reading. Comedy TN. homoerotic art. serious porch time.

Thursday. Day 2. The Office. Tracks. Spaaaaaaades!

Friday. Day 3. Lunch at Tracks. Weird waiter. The fair. Karaoke.

Saturday. Day 4. Karen out of doors. Grilling/football. outdoor Spades gone wild. Yard blanket bingo.

Last night I had a strange dream about how one of my professors lectured all of us on our non-proficient use of semi-colons. I freaked out about being falsely accused, hyperventilated, and had a panic attack right there in the lecture hall. I'm a fucking freak.

This has been a draft for a while. Imagonna post it anyway. I kind of like the way it turned out.

Sydney White will change the landscape of modern cinema

2007-09-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

In the interest of full disclosure, I must state that I am an unabashed Amanda Bynes fan. She is lovely and fresh and has excellent comedic timing. She is a 21 year old rising star in Hollywood, but she stays out of the tabloids and seems to be fairly normal for an actress.

And, even though I make fun of myself for this, I really love both teen movies and romantic comedies. So know that you are hearing from a qualified judge that Sydney White was a steaming pile of shit.

1. Amanda Bynes' makeup is god awful. It seems like even on a low budget film, that one thing you could get right is makeup, especially on a pretty girl. Bynes had two looks in the whole movie: intense bronzer with caked-on foundation and extremely smoky eyes, and intense bronzer with caked-on foundation and extremely sparkly eyes. Even in scenes where Sydney was in bed or working on a car, she was still sporting this look. And it was hideous. Any shot I had at enjoying the movie the tiniest bit was destroyed by the mangling of Bynes face. Seriously, you should not notice someone's makeup in a movie. And if you are going for something obvious, why take it that step further to make the star look bad with unflattering and outdated looks? I just don't get it.

2. While the make-up is by far my biggest complaint, the script itself was very awkward. It's a cute idea, right? Snow White and the Seven Dorks. Perfect for Bynes. But no. Almost every single moment in the movie was cheesy, contrived, and wholly unoriginal. For instance, any time Sydney talks to her dad or thinks about her dead mother, you know every line she will say before it comes out of her mouth. The stuff about reconnecting with her mom and not disappointing her dad was tripe.

It really seems like perhaps they were on a tight shooting schedule and could not rewrite or reshoot scenes if they just didn't come across.

3. The production value was terrible. The editing was choppy and there were no real transitions between scenes. The movie is set on a college campus, so it seems like they could have shot anywhere and avoided having to use a lot of green screens. But no. For example, at one point Sydney and her romantic interest are hanging out in the bell tower, after their date to the soup kitchen, of course. It looks like they are sitting in front of one of those backgrounds the photographer had at your eleventh grade winter semi-formal.

4. The dorks were the best part of the movie. Jack Carpenter, who plays Lenny/Sneezey, is totally adorable and lent a little pathos to an otherwise unemotional, less than stirring flick.

5. I think Tess said it best when she said she was constantly reminded (by the flaws of the movie) that she was watching a movie. And that just ain't no good.

And finally, I just looked up the key makeup artist and she also did key makeup for From Justin to Kelly. That just says it all.

to pants or not to pants: that is not a question

2007-09-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

My job has a fairly strict dress code. One component of that dress code is that I cannot wear pants, only skirts and dresses that cover my knees when I am seated. That should do a lot of good to my feminine little heart, but it turns out that it's incredibly frustrating. Especially in winter.

For the first two years I was there, I rebelled by wearing sneakers, knee socks, stretched out knit shirts (which have to cover my collar bone and go to my elbows, by the way), and ugly ass, Penecostal looking, Walmart born jean skirts.

In the past year-and-a-half, I began to think, Hey Grace, maybe you shouldn't wear clothes to work that would embarrass you if you were seen in public. The result of this little musing to myself is that I am superstylin' at work now, and strangely enough I feel better about my job because I look good.

It took me a while to figure this out, but the work dress code completes an odd circle in my life, which began when I was born.

I was reared (yeah y'all, it's reared. you raise corn and cattle, not children) in an Independent Baptist home. Don't be surprised that you've never heard of that; it's a very small denomination. Independent Baptists make Southern Baptists look like hedonists, if that helps. One of the least psychologically and spiritually damaging principles of this sect was that women had to dress very modestly. You guessed it. No pants. I wore my first pair of pants (sweatpants, for karate) when I was 12 years old. And with a skirt over them, natch.

My mom was so anti-pants during our Indie Baptist years that when I was a newborn and someone gave me a teeny pants outfit, my mother only put the pants on me long enough to take a picture for the insistent gift giver, then she immediately changed me back into a skirt.

I will remember my first few pairs of pants forever. The pink sweatpants were the first, if you don't count the newborn ones. Then there were some teal corduroy Guess pants, and some lightweight denim pants with little rosebuds all over them. That pair came with a belt, too. Eventually I settled down and got a pair of standard, 5-pocket, black jeans. When I was in the tenth grade, I went on a passionate search for what I called "regular jeans," which my mother teases me about to this very day.

So, maybe all of this baggage I have with skirts is why it really stung when a classmate told me she thought I was a "goody-goody. You know, because of all the skirts." (I go straight from work to class two nights a week, so I'm always in dress code.)

I'm grateful for many things: I'm not actually a goody-goody. My parents did ditch the quasi-cult when I was twelve. I full-stopped going to church four years ago and it's the best (and hardest) decision I've ever made.

But I'm still looking forward to the day when I can be pantsed seven days a week instead of just over the weekend.

you say potato, I say fuck you

2007-09-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

not really, but I thought that would make a good blog title.

here are some other blog titles that I would like to write an actual blog for:

"to pants or not to pants: that is not a question"

"whatever together"

"dancing: R.I.P."

"hey kid! did you wash those raspberries?"

"why I haven't opened the box to my new sewing machine"

"the Post rules the school. and the Times"

I have ideas for almost all of them. so vote for your favorite and I will try to do that one next.

by the way, readers, I know that it's a pain in the ass to have to register to comment, and that myspace was easier. I have heard and digested all of the complaints.

but just do it. you will reap many rewards.

and by rewards, I mean, sexual favors.

love y'all!

granny smith versus Fuji

2007-09-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

The gauntlet has been thrown! Cast your votes. You know in your heart what is right.

we will, we will, smock you!

2007-09-07T18:21:00.000-07:00

Karen and Tess and I are having a yard sale tomorrow. Yeaaaaaaaaa!

I've had one with my mom a couple of times and we had so much fun. But we always started like, way too late. Historians will look back and label this the most explicit theme of my life.

I raped my closets tonight and am selling a ton of clothes and shoes. Interestingly enough, it is much easier to get rid of clothes than it is to get rid of books. I am selling, like, two books. Out of hundreds. I accidentally tried to put some of Jeremy's books in the "to haul to Karen's to sell" pile, but he put the kibosh on that.

I bought a new sewing machine and I really need to be making stuff to sell at Cooper-Young. But in between work, school, and drinking, there hasn't been much free time.

Have a huge scrape on my right knee from Mary Jordan's Field Day Extravaganza on Sunday, and it still hurts like a little bitch. I literally cannot run without falling down. This makes me wonder how I ever played varsity soccer and then I remember that I was wearing cleats when I played. I miss the word "Mitre." And then I remember that I fell down a ton then, too. Sigh.

The moral of the story is: don't be jealous of me because I'm half Polish.

if I could buy the world an eyebrow wax

2007-09-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

My dog has diarrhea. Gross. I'm not sure I know how to clean it up. Gross. I am stalling. Gross.

I have a new unread Nylon, probably at least four unread Vogues, and the last Sunday Times unopened--that's not to mention all of the books I started this summer and didn't finish. Which reminds me... I still haven't received one of the textbooks I ordered a week ago from half.com. Bitches. But I did finally get my cell phone battery from ebay, so I will now be adopting Anna Mullin's old pink Razr as my full time phone. Which means that sadly I will be retiring Colin's old Samsung. But the caller id was all crossed up and everytime Tess called me it indicated that the girls' school principal was calling. Of all the times Jeremy's called me the id has almost never said the same thing. It seems to favor people from work. Bizarreo.

Last night I went to this MFA party and while trying to be nice to a new little couple in the program of course I put my foot in it and they looked super horrified and the girl got all defensive and protective, even though what I said was mildly funny and fairly benign. Oh well. In related news, it never ceases to amaze how drunk you can get from sharing in kegs/pitchers (in that order) instead of drinking single servings of beer. How drunk, you ask? So drunk you think you can pull off Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know?" at karaoke. That's just an example, though. Totally created for illustrative purposes.

Three albums are easing my transition from summer to superserious work time. They are Wilco's Sky Blue Sky, Tegan and Sara's The Con, and Over the Rhine's The Trumpet Child. They kind of all make me happy and concerned at the same time. And they kind of make me thank God for giving us music.

And now, to close, I have a super short story to relate. I'm trying to avoid being an interferring narrator so you may produce your own commentary. Enjoy.

A young woman notices a much older man staring at her from the end of the bar. She thinks not much of it, but when she must approach the bar for a beer, she is confronted with his notice. As a matter of exposition, I will tell you that this man is certainly close to or over 60 years old, quite stout, and he has very long, bushy, grey/black hair, drawn into a pony tail. And a long, bushy, grey/black, but well-groomed beard.

The young woman tells the barkeep to pour her a beer, and while the barkeep busies himself with her request, the bushy grey/black man attempts to engage the young woman.

"Whose little girl are you?"

She is puzzled. "What?"

"Whose little girl are you?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Well, " he gestures to her wedding set, "you're engaged aren't you?"

"I'm married, yes."

"Well whose little girl are you?"

"I guess, um, I'm my own little girl. I mean, uh, I'm my own woman."

"Oh, I didn't mean any offense by asking. I was just trying to flirt with you a little--"

"Well, my husband's name is Jeremy, if that's what you mean."

"--You know, like in a Shakespeare play."

"Which one?"

"Oh, definitely a romance or a comedy for you. But me, mine's a tragedy. My little girl left me after 21 years. She broke up with me. So I was just sitting here, noticing you all full of life, and hoping you didn't have a little boy."

The young woman's beers are ready and she turns away from the bar but tells the bushy grey/black man to take care.

Thirty or so minutes later on his way out of the bar he touches the back of her chair and demands,

"Say hi to Jeremy for me."

can someone please read my TB test?

2007-08-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

Well, thanks anyway, but I did manage to get that done today.

I feel that I owe an advance warning to my friends and myself:

This is going to be a shit year for me.

I anticipate not returning phone calls, emails. I believe I will fall asleep, flake out.

Apparently I've already accidentally stopped eating. I just keep forgetting.

But I am working on not feeling sorry for myself. I've always believed that I'm "tough." I think I get to find out now.

Teaching six classes with four preps. Taking two classes with infinite reading and writing assignments. I can do it. Are you picturing that Rosie the Riveter poster? Because you should be.

Katie Holmes deserves an Oscar for First Daughter

2007-08-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

As does the screenwriter. Mother of pearl! What a perfect movie to be half-watching on a sick Sunday morning. I feel like I might be getting the flu. Does that happen in the summer? Anyway, I just got to the climax of the movie, wherein Lucky Charm (the first daughter's secret service code name) discovers that her hot (I'm using that as a relative term) resident advisor, that she brought to the presidential ball or whatever as her date, is actually in the secret service. Believe it or not, I knew this was coming. Is it because of my superior perception, discretion, and detailed knowledge of story arcs? Possibly. Is it because that is exactly what happens in Chasing Liberty, Mandy Moore movie with exactly the same plot, which I also saw on tv within the past few months? Probably.

Having said all of this, it must be noted that I miss the Bad Movie Club of last summer. It is difficult to find people who have the ability to mock a movie like Caroline and Diana. It is also difficult to find people who will go with you to Coyote Ugly after the bad movie. Really difficult.

But back to Mrs. Cruise. I am so embarrassed for her every time I see her on screen--with the one exception of Pieces of April, which was amazing. Other than that, she is a remarkably bad actress. I'm so glad Maggie Gyllenhal is replacing her in the Batman movies.