there will be blog

Was anyone else surprised that movie ended with Daniel Day Lewis sputtering about milkshakes in a bowling alley? Didn't see that one coming.

Have been thinking constantly of food today but am not actually hungry. Was confronted with the climax of this wee conflict when I walk into the teacher's lounge and an obscenely large apple crumb muffin leapt onto my face. The muffin won.

This time, instead of obscene comments, which I do normally cherish, I would like for you to help me learn something. Why, pray tell, do people choose to be hateful? Is this not a colossal waste of energy? Does it really make them feel better about themselves?

Lemme know. I will consider all theories, especially those that are backed with evidence. If said evidence is from film referenced in blog title, that's fun, too.

minutae

In my classroom today there was a leftover bowl full of tuna on top of the bookcase. Had to have been left there yesterday afternoon. Sweet.

And speaking of "sweet"-ness, apparently Lake Superior State University created a list of overly used words to be banned. Although initially I thought LSSU was a made-up school (it isn't), I enjoyed the list. Thanks, mom. However, I absolutely have no intention of limiting my use of the word, "webinar." I'd hardly be able to carry on a conversation without it.

Finally recovering from a horrible bout with contact dermatitis. Yeah, merry fucking Christmas, right? My best guess is that I was reacting to some Burt's Bees soap I recently switched to. After a week plus of itching, a very expensive trip to the local minor med, various experiments with lotions and creams, and a trip to the UT Student Health Center, I look like a human being again. My life feels a lot bigger now that 95% of it is not devoted to scratching myself.

My students thought that contact dermatitis had something to do with contact lenses. Which I actually thought was very cute. I missed them. I really did. And I missed being on a schedule. Too much time to think about shit and miss people over the holidays.

Been missing some people that vanished from my life without warning. I was so angry about it that I didn't have time to feel sad. Now, I am sad. I will recover though. If anyone is worth having in my life, he or she will come around. This sudden vanishing has been a great opportunity to realize who is there for me and truly loves me enough to stick it out through the hard times. It has also been a good time to make new friends. You all know who you are. Thank you. You amaze me.

Also, my poor laptop has been on the fritz for almost a week now. Once again, merry fucking Christmas. I have had the thing for five years, so I really shouldn't be complaining. My problem is the blind faith I tend to inadvertently invest in electronics. I never want anything new or fancy, and it is beyond my comprehension that my cell phone, tv, computer, or coffee grinder should ever need repair or replacement. I love them as they are. They should last forever, right? Fortunately, Matt, the supernice computer guy at work, is taking a look at my laptop this week and may be able to salvage it for a little while longer. God does love me after all.

After all of that, I am saying goodbye to merry fucking Christmas and embracing a new year.

In other big news, I cannot stop thinking of what cilantro flavored gum would taste like. Gross, huh?

Also, I can't remember the other thing.

Virginia is for lovers (or the slums of Sperryville)

My early Christmas in Virginia has already come to an end and now I find myself with nothing to do on Christmas day. The trip was incredible, despite the fact that my parents and I drove approximately 24 hours to spend almost exactly 24 hours with my brother at his home in (Little) Washington, Virginia. There are too many things to say about the trip and the time with my family in a blog. It would be a four parter at least. Working on an essay to cover everything that happened. Hopefully by putting that out there I haven't jinxed myself not to write it. Writers are so fickle.

I've been filtering through some of my old journals. I initiated this process to find a soup recipe. Alas, the recipe has not surfaced. I did, however, get a kick out of seeing some of my old stuff and really old thoughts. In times past I would burn my old journals, or soak them with water until the ink ran. Silly. Here is an entry I found from September 26, 2000:

things i will never write about? NO

children's clothes
politics
illness (vaso vagal)
skincare
sunglasses
revolution
erosion
comedians
Bob Denver
cooking
bowling shoes
the Reagan administration
post modern dance

letter to memphis

My toes are not broken. When I was in the shower this morning a rude tilt, a shifting of the city, imperceptible seismic-style, caused me to drop the shower head on my left foot. And although it took a while for me to be able to move those two toes again, and although they were(/are) bloody and swollen, I never cried. And I shall not.

My heart is not broken. I may have cried, but I have kept my footing through many tilts and shifts. I am still standing, and I am still whole.

these are what count as milestones

1. finished all of my critical thinking exercises (also known as CTEs, also known as the bane of my freaking existence) for my Lifespan class a month early. These little fuckers have to be 250 (no more!) words long and synthesize four different scholarly articles under a specified prompt. This task is much more obtuse than it sounds. After the first two and once I figured out how to cut down to such a tiny number of words, I earned perfect scores on the remaining six. I also earned a perfect score on both my midterms. It feels pretty awesome to kick ass in at least one area of my life.

2. lost ten pounds. This may largely have to do with stress, but is also connected to the fact that I am using my bike as mode of transportation as much as possible. Although, this is difficult since I work during most of the daylight hours. Fridays are lovely though. Off at 2.10 for Shabbos. Me and my bike have a magical, love reunion. We go to all of our favorite places starting with the letter "O," like Otherlands and Overton Park. Even though the bumper stickers and other paraphernalia proclaiming such irk me, life is actually good.

3. finally made headway with my shower and bathtub. No I am not caulking or re-tiling. I am simply cleaning. After neglecting poor bathroom for a while, I then spent a number of months with bleach, soap scum remover, lime remover, scrub brush, blood, sweat, tears, prayers, incantations, and any other method, pragmatic or no, to get the tub and tiles looking even relatively clean. Last night was a turning point in this scrubbing frenzy. Finally, finally, things are looking clean. It's not much, but it makes me happy.

4. turned 28. I like the even years best.

So this is what I have to blog about. I've started a number of other blogs in the past month, including part II to Sukkos Break, but anything that began as either profoundly revelatory or snarkily comedic remains unfinishable. I offer these milestones as a compromise between the absence of blogs and the proliferation of unfinished blogs. Thank you for reading and accepting me for who I am, unclean shower and all.

oh the lux jury: Sukkot break part I

Well, thank G-d for Sukkot! Each year in September/October, I am treated to a slew of holidays by the Hebrew calendar. First comes Rosh Hashanah, then Yom Kippur, and then the mother of the fall holidays, Sukkot. Sukkot isn't super serious like the first two, but it lasts a while, so I usually get close to two weeks off from work.

First a little background about Sukkot.

Sukkot is a seven day celebration for G-d's faithfulness to the Jews during their 40 years in the wilderness, before finding the Promised Land. In order to commemorate this time in their history, Jews build sukkahs, little outdoor huts or lean-tos, and have all of their meals in them during the holiday. Some people call this holiday Sukkos, and it's taken me three years to figure out why and to decide on the pronunciation "Sukkot". Nevermind why, since unfortunately, the explanation I would give would take so much qualifying and explanation of the various definitions of Ashkenazi and Sephardi that you would lose interest.

Now, a lot of things that have nothing to do with Sukkot.

Tuesday. Day 1 Eve. What an amazing night of P & H trivia. Our team turned out to be all female that night, so our team name was "There's No 'I' in Vag". We had a hilarious time, came in dead last, but were given a pitcher of beer by the host team, and, a stuffed animal.

This is where I started remembering my days in lists:

Wednesday. Day 1. bike blowout. tire flopping. rain. Otherlands + Court =Texas Hold Em

red wine + savory tarts=Karen is awesome. Otherlands redux, MFA reading. Comedy TN. homoerotic art. serious porch time.

Thursday. Day 2. The Office. Tracks. Spaaaaaaades!

Friday. Day 3. Lunch at Tracks. Weird waiter. The fair. Karaoke.

Saturday. Day 4. Karen out of doors. Grilling/football. outdoor Spades gone wild. Yard blanket bingo.

Last night I had a strange dream about how one of my professors lectured all of us on our non-proficient use of semi-colons. I freaked out about being falsely accused, hyperventilated, and had a panic attack right there in the lecture hall. I'm a fucking freak.

This has been a draft for a while. Imagonna post it anyway. I kind of like the way it turned out.

Sydney White will change the landscape of modern cinema

In the interest of full disclosure, I must state that I am an unabashed Amanda Bynes fan. She is lovely and fresh and has excellent comedic timing. She is a 21 year old rising star in Hollywood, but she stays out of the tabloids and seems to be fairly normal for an actress.

And, even though I make fun of myself for this, I really love both teen movies and romantic comedies. So know that you are hearing from a qualified judge that Sydney White was a steaming pile of shit.

1. Amanda Bynes' makeup is god awful. It seems like even on a low budget film, that one thing you could get right is makeup, especially on a pretty girl. Bynes had two looks in the whole movie: intense bronzer with caked-on foundation and extremely smoky eyes, and intense bronzer with caked-on foundation and extremely sparkly eyes. Even in scenes where Sydney was in bed or working on a car, she was still sporting this look. And it was hideous. Any shot I had at enjoying the movie the tiniest bit was destroyed by the mangling of Bynes face. Seriously, you should not notice someone's makeup in a movie. And if you are going for something obvious, why take it that step further to make the star look bad with unflattering and outdated looks? I just don't get it.

2. While the make-up is by far my biggest complaint, the script itself was very awkward. It's a cute idea, right? Snow White and the Seven Dorks. Perfect for Bynes. But no. Almost every single moment in the movie was cheesy, contrived, and wholly unoriginal. For instance, any time Sydney talks to her dad or thinks about her dead mother, you know every line she will say before it comes out of her mouth. The stuff about reconnecting with her mom and not disappointing her dad was tripe.

It really seems like perhaps they were on a tight shooting schedule and could not rewrite or reshoot scenes if they just didn't come across.

3. The production value was terrible. The editing was choppy and there were no real transitions between scenes. The movie is set on a college campus, so it seems like they could have shot anywhere and avoided having to use a lot of green screens. But no. For example, at one point Sydney and her romantic interest are hanging out in the bell tower, after their date to the soup kitchen, of course. It looks like they are sitting in front of one of those backgrounds the photographer had at your eleventh grade winter semi-formal.

4. The dorks were the best part of the movie. Jack Carpenter, who plays Lenny/Sneezey, is totally adorable and lent a little pathos to an otherwise unemotional, less than stirring flick.

5. I think Tess said it best when she said she was constantly reminded (by the flaws of the movie) that she was watching a movie. And that just ain't no good.

And finally, I just looked up the key makeup artist and she also did key makeup for From Justin to Kelly. That just says it all.