Sydney White will change the landscape of modern cinema

In the interest of full disclosure, I must state that I am an unabashed Amanda Bynes fan. She is lovely and fresh and has excellent comedic timing. She is a 21 year old rising star in Hollywood, but she stays out of the tabloids and seems to be fairly normal for an actress.

And, even though I make fun of myself for this, I really love both teen movies and romantic comedies. So know that you are hearing from a qualified judge that Sydney White was a steaming pile of shit.

1. Amanda Bynes' makeup is god awful. It seems like even on a low budget film, that one thing you could get right is makeup, especially on a pretty girl. Bynes had two looks in the whole movie: intense bronzer with caked-on foundation and extremely smoky eyes, and intense bronzer with caked-on foundation and extremely sparkly eyes. Even in scenes where Sydney was in bed or working on a car, she was still sporting this look. And it was hideous. Any shot I had at enjoying the movie the tiniest bit was destroyed by the mangling of Bynes face. Seriously, you should not notice someone's makeup in a movie. And if you are going for something obvious, why take it that step further to make the star look bad with unflattering and outdated looks? I just don't get it.

2. While the make-up is by far my biggest complaint, the script itself was very awkward. It's a cute idea, right? Snow White and the Seven Dorks. Perfect for Bynes. But no. Almost every single moment in the movie was cheesy, contrived, and wholly unoriginal. For instance, any time Sydney talks to her dad or thinks about her dead mother, you know every line she will say before it comes out of her mouth. The stuff about reconnecting with her mom and not disappointing her dad was tripe.

It really seems like perhaps they were on a tight shooting schedule and could not rewrite or reshoot scenes if they just didn't come across.

3. The production value was terrible. The editing was choppy and there were no real transitions between scenes. The movie is set on a college campus, so it seems like they could have shot anywhere and avoided having to use a lot of green screens. But no. For example, at one point Sydney and her romantic interest are hanging out in the bell tower, after their date to the soup kitchen, of course. It looks like they are sitting in front of one of those backgrounds the photographer had at your eleventh grade winter semi-formal.

4. The dorks were the best part of the movie. Jack Carpenter, who plays Lenny/Sneezey, is totally adorable and lent a little pathos to an otherwise unemotional, less than stirring flick.

5. I think Tess said it best when she said she was constantly reminded (by the flaws of the movie) that she was watching a movie. And that just ain't no good.

And finally, I just looked up the key makeup artist and she also did key makeup for From Justin to Kelly. That just says it all.